Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
