Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
