a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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