Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
