is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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