You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize