These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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