Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
