so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
