im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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