a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
