the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
