Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
