I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
