So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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