i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
