eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
