I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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