i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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