Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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