remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
