I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You've changed since you got that strap on
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
