I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
