i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
