So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
