i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
