The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
wow bdsm is so cute
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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