you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize