Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
