Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
