I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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