this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
