You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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