I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
