mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
