I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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