I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
