My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My life is pants optional.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
