i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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