They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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