Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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