Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
