i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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