dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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