I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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