i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
