Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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