everyone is single if you try hard enough
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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