I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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