He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
