party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
