she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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