Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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