We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
