I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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