I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
