She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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