Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
