That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
