This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
