and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
