best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
