i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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