Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
What a dumb baby whore.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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