Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
