I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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