Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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