i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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