They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
