The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
