oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
