U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize