I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
