he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
