I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
