Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
