I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
