i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
