Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
