They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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