I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
