I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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