I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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