I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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