I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
