I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
