1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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