I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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