u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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