I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
